So back to basics.
Peeling the Onion - The many layers of me. Why am I this way? Why am I 28, divorced, single and now putting every effort possible into staying that way. Why did I use to despise my girlfriends when i would find out they were getting married, or having babies (Part 2 will look at this).. YAY another baby.. why has that changed?
This is Part 1 of the ol' Onion peel. I figure why not take a look at why my relationships fail. This focus of course will be on the men (a little on me maybe too).. we can look at me another day ;) always easier to place blame right.. Common you know I'm right...
I really got to thinking about this ever since that new Taylor Swift song came out "Trouble". You have got to give the girl props, she does know how to write a good tune. That song is like the story of my life when it comes to the men i choose to date. I'm not sure why, but i think it has a lot to do with my inner self putting up walls and saying "lets date semi unavailable men, broken men, or men that live too far away in places you will never live" that way, we dont get hurt. RIDICULOUS.
I typically tend to end up like some sad science experiment when it comes to dating. I run on what i call the "dating hamster wheel" i keep running on the same type of wheel and wondering why i am still stuck on the wheel, exhausted, thirsty, tired, yet still running after the shiny red apple that i cannot reach.
I figure its best explained by diving into the TYPICAL type of man that i date. I can sum it up into 4 very distinct categories. (This i know applies to many men i know in relation to women so just reverse if you are a man reading this)
1. The Bad Boy
2. The Distance Dude
3. The Ladies man
4. The Good Boy (I'm sure you know how that turns out)
Lets look a little deeper into these typical dating types.
The Bad Boy : We all know this guy, rough around the edges with a very scruffy sexiness to him. The I don't give a F@#4K Attitude. Free spirited, easily angered, easily distracted. Likes to fight, drink, party and can be very cold. Good from far, but far from good. I have managed to date this type of guy at least a handful of times. Its a wonder (Every time) when i sit there not understanding "why" he is punching walls, "why" is he so quiet like i did something wrong , the eat you up inside kind of eeriness , "why" doeshe talk down to me and yell at me, "why" do all of my girlfriends hate him.... HMMMM why? haha
The Distance Dude: This is my personal favourite. Literally ( If any of you knew my drawn out love affair with Slave lake dude you understand why). This is the guy that lives in a different city. It seems so amazing because i get all the space i want, and every time we see each other its like a romantic holiday.. right.. WRONG. for a time its like this. But then when you actually want a commitment, the NEXT step.. aaah i love that next step, you know, the one i never take with this type of man. There is Always some reason why i cannot move, or they cannot move. and so it goes on, and on and on. This is my personal favourite choice as it in all ways, shapes and forms stops the inevitable from happening. You know the thing i think i want, but apparently don't actually want based on my re accruing choices. Settling down. So distance man is a perfect fit. Or at least he was..
The Ladies Man- mmmmmmm i Loooove the ladies man. i mean, don't we all. He is so charming, sexy, talented at cooking, singing (usually), crooning, story telling, dancing, anything that will make you forget all of his laundry list of flaws.. including the women you just saw him kissing, because he is just soo... aaah. Its funny with this man. It almost becomes like a challenge, you see women hanging off of him, you see his mile wide ego and you think... i WILL make him mine (this applies for men to women as well of course). Your animalistic instinct kicks in. You are a lioness and you will make him your lion. You are straight Peacocking Saying things you wouldn't normally, trying things you wouldn't dare... just to make him yours.. And of course, you do... the disappointing part is when you get him back to your place and realize, what is all the fuss about? this guy is so consumed in himself that he doesn't even bother to take your shirt off. hahahah. That or he is so looser pissed by the end of the night he ends up falling over and making a complete fool of himself.. Casanova my ass. But by that point, like any good girl.. you don't want to feel like it was a one time thing.. so you actually manage to seal the deal and date this guy... WTF are you thinking? yes i ask my self this every time.. Its no wonder when you find out he was cheating on you a week into dating. go figure. (hey, you asked for it)
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The Good boy : There is not much to say about this guy. I mean he is perfect, nice, good values, decent looking, well educated, well mannered. He is loved by your parents, your friends, he spends countless hours telling you how amazing you are, how much he likes you, how he pictures your life together, he is everything you have been searching for.. PUKE. yes. Then as always, you get bored, irritated, the very sight of this man you spend weeks "loving" being with because you just ended a relationship with the complete dick the bad boy or the complete pervert the ladies man.. so this man is a god send.. until he is not. Poor man, he never knew what hit him.
Well, that about sums up my dating choices over the last 10 years. Its no wonder i am still single. The one thing i have to note, is what every single one of these men have in common, for me anyways. They are broken... They have some problem that i feel the need to fix.
Hell if you don't have a problem you mine as well turn around and walk away. This lady only likes guys that are Messed up. Guys that have crazy baby mommas (yes plural) , guys that have commitment issues, guys that are incapable of making decisions to save there lives, guys that have emotional baggage from there child hoods, guys with daddy issues, just ISSUES. i think i am mother Teresa of the dating world wanting to save all of these poor men, fix them, mold them into the Perfect boyfriend.
You can see that the problem is not the men... ITS ME. what a revelation. Hence the Road to 30..
The worst part is when you actually put all of your heart, emotion, time into them. You give up opportunities for the benefit of them, you move, you change jobs, you do just about anything because you HAVE to make it work.. you KNOW they will change. Then you wake up one day when its all ending and realize you were the one doing all of the changing and they were never meeting even 1/16th of the way. That's a problem. I think this is a very common problem for both men and women.
Why is divorce rate so high? Maybe because we keep settling for people that we know deep down are not right. We keep dating these Men or Women thinking we can change them, changing ourselves for them .Nothing ever truly changes when it is the depth of who you are, nor should it have too. So what happens... Well... I am a prime example. You wake up 1.5 years into a marriage and realize you have been pretending to be someone you are not (There, i said it out loud. Scott, I'm sorry) , you look over at the person lying next to you and realize this is not love, at least not the kind you had hoped for. Your life is basically a lie. That's what happens when you fall victim to the North American pandemic of the need to "settle" to be happy. Right.
This year, for me.. is a time for change. I have no expectations, i have no desire to date the men above. I just want to figure out what being happy Alone really means, before i will ever try and be happy with someone again. Because using men that are not right for you, to fill some void you haven't even understood why you have is just not right. . . So all you broken, bad ass, ladies men that live around the world.. Best of luck with your future women, because it is most certainly not me. haha not anymore anyways.
Back to that Taylor swift song...
"Once upon time
A few mistakes ago
I was in your sights
You got me alone
You found me
I guess you didn't care
And I guess I liked that
And when I fell hard
You took a step back
Without me
And he's long gone
When he's next to me
And I realize the blame is on me
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places i'd never been
Now i'm lying on the cold hard ground"
Until next time...
Jenny
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