Day 197- Just a little too long ,to see..

"You , You've been looking, at me
just a little too long..
 now I,  I can never , look the same" 


Well, as with all things in life.. Its been a while. In fact, a long while. Over 6 months to be exact, since I have found time, inspiration, desire, need...to write.

So.. write I shall.

I have spent the majority of my day with this looming feeling of loneliness. This thing that plagues me, you, all of us really. The need to have this void, this ever changing, fiery core that creeps up now and again filled (Despite how already full your life may be). The unfortunate thing about that, is I don't truly believe it ever goes away, its almost a necessity. Its what drives us. Without that occasional need for change, desire for more, to be truly fulfilled, to fill up that ol' void.. We would sit stagnant, we would not progress, because we would be content. Its the lack of content that drives progression in life. And, oh... do I lack that beautiful, peaceful, lull that we call content.

But its days like this, when I am driving for what feels like the millionth time in a month down that straight, never ending, icy cold highway between here and there, that I desire to be content in all things. To not feel that desire for progression, to not feel this pit that grows daily deep inside me to escape my even now, wonderful existence. To throw it all away and run deep into life, so deep that I don't come back, and if I ever do I wont recognize the me I am now, the me that looks at me through the rear view mirror, this women I have become, that I want to continually change but despite my best efforts, all that remains.. is me.

And then that song, it rises, it brings me there,  a soliloquy to further ebb me to the edge. I crack , tears, loud singing, covered in tears... Like I could add any more to  my already tumultuous internal battle with self, I add tears( wussy, I say to myself.. go figure.). Maybe I'm missing you, maybe I feel exhausted because I haven't slept for more then 5 hours a night in what seems like years, maybe its because I can breathe, or because I really never imagined I would be here, like this, ..  or maybe its just because I am still running from self.. crazy self.

And then he says it, like it was meant for me, this moment...

Hallelujah.... Hallelujah... Baby Ive been here before, I have seen this room and I have walked this floor.. you know, I use to live alone before I knew ya.. And I have seen your flag on the marble arch, and love is not a victory march.. its a cold, and its a broken Hallelujah.....

Or maybe.. its because I have become so use to having my existence, intertwined with yours. I have become so use to feeling full, because my fullness was fulfilled in seeing your love reflected at me ...daily, and I absorbed it selfishly. I took every last drop like I needed it to survive, despite having nothing to give back.. I felt full, through the love you gave.. freely, unconditionally.

I , like all strong women have convinced myself that I don't need anything, and anyone but me. This was true, or at least, I thought it was. Then all of a sudden,  without the daily reminder of who I am, what I am capable of, through your eyes.. off all that is possible, all that I am, and all I want to be, that I see through you... I am at a loss.. because its a cold version of me that is reflected back, because the only one that had time to alight the desire in me was you, not even I...


Hallelujah... Hallelujah.........

 

Day 397 - Latter Day

Dreams, sometimes, have this ability to take hold of you. They twist this beautifully intricate web of thoughts, each one a minuet detail. When strung together, in just the right sequence they become the possibility of what Could be. Or, what's more, what you believe to be... what is.

Sometimes, its these very dreams which we morph into firm belief, that if we peruse them with all desire and passion we shall achieve them, and at that moment feel a sense of complete relief, accomplishment, joy even.. its these very dreams that become at times our  very undoing.

I sit here, a night owl.. a curse perhaps but a dreamer I am, and there seems to be no reset for those with the intent to peruse life's great mysteries, treasures, secrets. To unlock the very essence of this existence and breath it all in.. I had thought that making my dreams more, more than thoughts that pass in the night, that dance across my soul, and wake me with such great purpose only to disappear by morning light. By pursuing them with such fierce desire, I may find a sense of peace, of greatness. Maybe this is where we go wrong.. Or more so, where I have gone wrong.

I find myself always reaching this never ending goal. If I climb my highest mountain, there is always another in the distance. It calls to me, unaware of the journey I have just persevered, Indifferent of the burdens I have bared to get here and apathetic to my souls desire to rest. The great desire to sit for a moment, and just be. To enjoy what is, without looking to what could be. Its this perpetual cycle that leaves me, my soul, my heart, left wanting.

Many a moments, nights , and days I find myself trying to just hold it all together. Sitting here, staring across this empty room, unsatisfied. A life of abundance, great friends, great career, great opportunities, journeys that I use to sit dreaming about, made into realities. Yet, I sit here..

I sit here feeling this complete sense of failure, regardless of successes obtained I sit here dreaming a dream that I was never able to make into a reality. So I spend these moments, (the ones I don't fill with things, people, noise). these peaceful moments trying to convince myself I should feel lucky, blessed, happy and content. Its these moments that I constantly find myself lacking.. Because I am stuck chasing a dream of yesterday, unable to enjoy the realities of today. Its the idea of what I had imagined my life to end up like, that continually keeps me from enjoying the one I have.

Cease the day they say.. which one? This one, or the days gone by, or the days to come?

All I know is this.. Careful what you wish for, as sometimes its these wishes that we hold onto with dear life that have us holding back, making decisions based on what should have been, not what is..

Latter day

I often dream of a day gone by, a time where my dreams weren't chased with lies
now moments of  what is are replaced by what was,  deeper into this falsified love
I rest upon this place time and again, its between the space of  here and then
Its where passion rose and determination ignite, between the dusk and  the dwindling light
I find you there when I close my eyes, the past expectations I have yet to realize
This affirmation that its all okay , as I mistake my dreams for a latter day
I often dream of a day gone by, its in these moments I hear my soul cry



Until next time...

Jenny

Day 433 - Hollow

" Its not much of a life your living, its not just something you take, its given"

Here I am , exploring life. All of its opportunities, forms of living , forms of caring , and sharing my life with others. I use to think living was a simple thing, but lately I seem to be drowning in its complexities. In this path to personal enrichment, I have found myself turned upside down, inside out and utterly confused, sitting now questioning my own purpose in this journey. I have blurred my own lines between the intent of a journey, the journey itself and the destination. I'm sitting here now, wondering which of the three matters most..

My path, this plan and life's effervescence has somehow been dulled by the inner workings of my heart. This, a thing I write about often. But I had imagined letting go to be easier. But like all things in life, its not.

I find it so very interesting how a touch, a movement, a memory, a smell.... ah yes, a smell.. can utterly crash a somewhat smooth auto pilot course to living. Sometimes it can seem so overwhelming that you hold for dear life as you watch the emotions crash around you, your senses ignite, the smell overcome you and the memory damn erupt. Than your their... forced to relieve the best, worst and most intimate moments of your life, even if for a fleeting second, its enough.

I use to think it was important to push those moments above aside.. to push the emotion , the pain, the somewhat endless suffering down. To ignore it and not allow myself to wallow in something that I have no hope in hell of changing. This is something I have become too good at. There in lies the problem.

When you spend the better part of your adult life ignoring important feelings that are key to accepting and moving forward, you stay stuck on repeat. Like ground hog day. If you don't deal with your emotions, acknowledge them, hell wallow in them for as long as is healthy, I don't believe you will ever get over them. That's why for me, they keep popping up, like a slow, silent, endless torture.. they keep arising.

Recently someone challenged me to allow the feelings to wash over me, to accept them and live in them. Its a hard thing to do, its like the Rhianna song for me. " The reason I hold on.. oooooh cause I need this hole gone. . . . not really sure how to feel about it, something in the way you move, makes me feel like I cant live without you, and it takes me all the way.. I want you to stay.."  Those 4 letter words. STAY.. that's why I believe I, and many other people do this, push things down, do not confront them. Because when I do, when I wallow, when I allow to really feel the grief and loss of it. To let the idea of my life only being completed by this person go.. He will be gone. And however twisted and sick it is, I want the memory to stay.. the pain to stay, because its the closet thing to being in his presence. (How messed up is that??!

I really don't know what is worse. Loving to much, or not Loving enough. I feel like I was defeated by the latter of these two adversaries, and the first has now caught up, but alas too late, so the latter now taunts me.


Hollow

I hear it tick and watch you go , with you the words ill never know
Through the moonlight and between these lines, drifts a silent loving crime
As the clock falls and the hand strikes one, all  we had will be undone
It flows around me and swallows me whole, all the words  ill never know
The chasm releases what's buried inside , feelings of you I masterly hide
As the time moves on  the memories unleash, I feed the engine like a beast
Burning inside this fiery glow, this moment , you leaving and the words ill never know.


Until next time,

Jenny

Day 460 - Let brotherly love continue..

"Let brotherly love continue. Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares." Hebrews 13

He sat crying, pouring his heart out to me. I remember thinking, this man, he should be stronger than this... not understanding. His demeanour, the one i imagine he would have if it wasn't for the given situation, seemed stronger. So tall, broad, dark, brooding. But he wasn't, he was crying, sobbing, pouring his heart out to me. I , a complete stranger.

He had been through tough times, you could tell this based on his rough, beaten up hands and rough beaten down appearance. His face looked as if no more than 35, but his weathered appearance aged him. His story was an intimate, heart wrenching kind. A drug addict and alcoholic, he battled with losing jobs, homes, money, family. He cleaned himself up, the hardest thing he had ever done in his life he said. He met her there, in rehab. Julia. They had this connection, it made him want to be a better person, it gave him the desire to change his life. They made a life together, had children, two. Than he relapsed. They lost everything because of him. You couldn't help but twinge as this story was laid out, the true guilt that fell of his tongue. 

If it wasn't for her, and the love he felt and the pressure she pushed, he wouldn't of went back. He spent the last 8 months in rehab, waiting for her, longing to get back to supporting his family. January 24th he got out of rehab, and he was on his way to meet her. She was waiting for him at there local spot, arguing with another man. This man wanted to be with her, I'm sure at times he probably had. He said that the cops recounted on the report, that the argument escalated and she said NO, I LOVE WARREN. she stepped of the curb. That's when she got hit. The day he got out, she got hit by a car and died.

This was the moment that my heart broke for this man. As he sat sobbing, drunk, covered in his own vomit, hands bleeding in front of me. Crying for Julia, crying for his sorrow was so great he couldn't and didn't want to go on. He felt it was his fault that he wasn't there, he felt that maybe she did it on purpose, ended her life. Either way, here he sits, horribly drunk, beat up and down.

I wanted to do something for him but what? I just sat and listened,its as all i could manage. After all, this was a huge, intimidating, drunk, homeless, native man who approached me on the sidewalk, in fact he blocked my passage to a point i feared for a instant for my own life, and he begged me "please, i just need someone to talk to , listen to me" So i did, and that's when he broke down. 

The hardest part was when he said " What would you do, if i told you i was going to kill myself tonight"?. " What would you do?" I said. " I don't know, something i imagine" his response. " No, you would do nothing, like everyone else out there, i don't exist to you and after this you won't even give me a thought"

I tried to fight that concept in my mind, battling with my self to find some kind of reason or answer that would make me an above average individual in this situation, but i had nothing. He was right. what would, or could i do? I didn't know him, i didn't know where he lived, how to contact him or ensure his safety, nor did i even feel overly comfortable in doing so. So what could i do? So this is what i said.

" Warren, all i can do is ask that you don't. Taking your life because of the grief of Julia won't bring her back. The only thing that will make any of this better is if you stop drinking. Julia wanted you sober and your doing a dis service to her and your children by being a drunk. You only feel like dying because your drinking is making you depressed. You are better than this, and you should show her that you are. I can't do anything beyond this because i have no idea what to do. Just please , i ask of you to go get help, and if you want i will take you"

Warren and i parted ways that day with a bus ticket and a pizza that i bought him to help sober him up. He didn't want a ride to rehab, but he did promise he would go, but he said he valued the time i gave him, and that he wouldn't forget it. As he walked away i will never forget his words. 

"You have a good soul lady, were all human, and sometimes all we need is our fellow brothers to listen.. not many like you these days" .. my heart exploded.

I can't help now, since  last week but to sit and think about Warren daily. He enters my thoughts every day and for a moment i am very sad. Because what if he did kill himself, and i did nothing? It forever lingers now on my mind. The truth is, in a normal situation i would not of even talked to him, i would of been super rude and barged past him. For whatever reason that day, Hebrews 13:2 whispered across my mind as he approached me, and i opened myself up to the uncomfortable, and i offered a ear to a man in need.

I feel its all too often we look down at people who are less fortunate than us, on the streets. Not because we think we are better than them, more often because they make us uncomfortable, there lack of hygiene, there lack of conformity and what seems like no value for life, it intimidates us. I have been trying really hard regardless of the type of person i speak with, to give all individuals the same esteem and respect this year. Its difficult, but I'm so amazed at how it turns out and how my attitude changes with every homeless or misfortuned person i run into. There stories would amaze you.

I am betting that the majority of you who read this post at the beginning felt very bad for warren, thinking he was just some average guy. But when i mentioned he was a native, homeless, drunk man your opinions changed slightly. Really think about that? is that normal, should we be the ones to judge? Really think about that the next time you turn a blind eye, or ear to someone in need. I know i will. 

Until next time..

Jenny 

Day 472 - Sweet Nothing

I still feel it, when I close my eyes. The way his touch feels on my skin, the way his smell engulfed my senses when he held me.. just  like that.. He was a mix of grape cigarillos, pine, fresh air and old spice.. to me, an intoxicating mix. Sometimes (most times)  when I'm lying alone, I still picture his arm around my waist, the look of his hands, the hair on his arms, the freckles on his wrist.. and for a minute, just one, I believe he is actually there, I feel safe, as only he could provide this comfort..

But the reality is, my comfort is gone, what has replaced this is the unknown, the great big unknown , I am here. .. But, he is not.

Its days like this, when my moments are not filled up, where my time is free and I haven't managed like i try too, to occupy every second.. heaven forbid i ever stop to breath, for when i do , i am open to  lurking emotions that don't ever really go away. This is when he creeps in, this is when i allow it to take over. I have this deep rooted aching inside of me, its an aching that only he can understand and only i can know. Its an aching developed through a bond that should have been stronger than all of the years of life and the weathering of time.. but it wasn't.

So it aches... so painfully at times and there is a hallow in me now.. No number of men, dates, yoga classes, gym sessions, good books or adventures away have managed to fill or subdue this. Sometimes I hate him for this feeling, other times i love him for allowing me to feel such deep love for another.. even when it was not returned. The absence of him re organizes my entire existence.. as I had imagined only an existence with him. Even now, my mind drifts there often, and for a moment I feel so utterly disappointed.

Have I moved on, yes... But do we ever forget the ones who leave without a reason, without an understanding, when we knew so deep inside of ourselves that this was right.. for us, but not for them.

I question the purpose of why we had to meet. Why i had to spend countless years missing him, travelling to him, leaving him, ultimatums, lost lives, love, days, minutes.. for what.. One argument, and no call back, no answer.. and as soon as he came, infected me with his brilliance, he left..  The leaving indicated he felt i deserved better.. he would never use the word brilliance to describe himself.. simple, humble, hard working.. not brilliant.. but he was. I just hope one day the aching will stop, and I can fill the aching with a different kind of desire.. one less blinded by love and loss.

So I find myself, starting a new.. and I'm living on such sweet nothing (You know this tune).  I have put my faith, into something unknown.. and I'm living on such sweet nothing. Such sweet, sweet, nothing....

I look at my ego a lot in this deep aching. Do i only miss him, because he didn't want me? Is it the desire to conquer and to win, not the actual outcome of the win?... I'm certain this must have something to do with it. When someone leaves you, and you aren't doing the leaving.. I think it isn't easy to let it go. My journey to day 500, is to let this ego go. This ego that has me wanting and urning for loves lost and days passed.. its the ego in all of us that is the cause of missed opportunity, wasted moments and countless heartache...

So here I am , rocking out to Florence.. and IM LIVING ON SUCH SWEET NOTHING... and its sweet, because its mine.. and i will turn this sweet nothing into an amazing something... but for now.. I close my eyes, and there he is.. Fuck.


Until next time...

Jenny

Day 481 - The humanity of it all

Today like any other day off has been filled with Wonderful coffee dates with friends (I'm almost on date number three with one of my favourite ladies), the coffee levels are at a all time high and the amount of Energy coursing through my veins can be compared to that of an alcoholic hitting back to back open Bars events during Christmas season... I'm running on full and I'm about to crash, but i just can't stop because it tastes soooooo Goood!

So as I'm dropping off friend Number two to briefly meet friend number 3 before a meeting with my accountant (You say busy day, I say lets plan every minute and make it count! I am trying my best to re connect with my friends and sometimes its hard, so I just say to hell with it and jam pack a day hour to hour and breath in a wealth of life from all that is out there in the friendship world.. I love my friends and there stories and this form of jam packed "Catching up" further inspires me to live, love and laugh)

So as I was saying (breathe, too much coffee).. I was driving with my friend rocking out to the new tunes i had recently acquired on my IPOD when I offered up the choice for the guy to change it to some other artist. I should pre cursor this by telling you this is a very well mannered, kinds, soft spoken man.. so, He starts wheeling through the songs, unsure of his choice hoping to pick a good one and what comes blasting through the speakers Blood hound gangs "Balls Out".. haha The look on his face as the words came through the speakers was priceless.. It reminded me of several times in my life when a guy is trying to be suppppperr smooth, well and the result is less than smooth and more like out right... AWESOME.

I thought for a good laugh, an understanding that we are ALL only human, and we all have stupid shit happen to us on the regular, we could look back and reflect and enjoy the fact that no one is perfect.

This fun packed life rewind will start with a time that i was invited to fly out West to meet a guy i had been dating in secret.. (why date in secret you ask.. well that's a whole other blog post.. but to sum it up in one sentence, this guy was in the "TV" business and had to pretend to be in a relationship with his ex when really he lived in a loft on the other side of town.. that should of been sign number 1 that he was no good... secret relationships.. those days are DONE)... ok back on track. So here i am , in this beautiful city , infatuated with this lovely man.. He gets an idea to go for a wonderful stroll in a park near the ocean. I am basking in the sun , loving life, feeling blessed.. than all of a sudden he picks up pace and starts walking off the path.. He is forcing a smile , I can tell something is wrong, but not sure what. He keeps the convo going,walking briskly zig zagging all over the damn place.. i notice the beads of sweat forming on his face as he is bee lining it for the road.. That's when it hits him.. and me. As he bend over in agony , it was in that moment i realized, this poor man just shit his pants.... You know, its moments like this that I like to put myself in the other persons shoes. I tried my best to act like i didn't notice and played it as cool as possible.. Funny thing, didn't stop me from liking the guy, if anything made it that much more comfortable..

Another beauty would be the time I was in Vancouver with a lovely man that i had recently just started hanging out with, i was headed there to accompany him to a work function at night. We hadn't got to a point where we were super "intimate" and were staying in a hotel together. So things got a little heated as you can imagine in between the event and the evening festivities, This man, bless his heart tried to lean in to undo my Bra and BAM... head butted me so hard i almost passed out. Then the lump formed.. this HUGE, Egg right above my eyebrow. HAHAHA I'm bursting laughing just writing this. Can you imagine the horror on the mans face when my eye started to swell up and I'm laughing hysterically. Not to mention within the hour we are suppose to be out with his coworkers partying.. Frig!

My personal favourite would be recently on a trip where a man was trying to Whooo me... we are in passionate embrace, clothes are flying (boy I sound a bit like a hussy here.. I'm not.. honestly), we are both highly under the influence of far to many glasses of Vino,  this guy has his pants around his ankles *get your mind out of the gutter* and is leaning forward to kiss me, i notice he starts to sway slightly, I'm not sure if it was the wine, the fact his pants were like skinny jeans and were stuck around his legs or a combination of the both, but he proceeds to fall ass backwards with some serious force, lands on a table (breaks it), lamp goes flying and he is staring up at me in bewilderment and I am just in shock, and LAUGHING my friggen ass off. This is romance people.. these are the moments that make me realize at the best of times that it doesn't get any more Human than this. I have grown to love the perfect imperfections of people. If they didn't exist, if moments like this didn't happen, i think i would fear that its too perfect and too fake. I need moments like this to fall for a guy. I actually Require them..haha

Of course Men aren't the only culprits here. I have had my fair share of embarrassing moments in a relationship as do all of us. I would say that its how we come back from these moments that makes or breaks the situation, its also how we react to them that can matter most. I love to think back on stuff like this because it gives me a good laugh. Its always the moments where we think someone is so called "perfect" that life opens up opportunities like the above to show that "perfect" does not exist, only real does. One thing i know for sure, I Love real  : )

So, Feel free to comment on this post and SHARE your funny experiences if you would like. I would love to hear them, as I'm sure would the rest of my my blog readers.

Until next time....

Jenny

Day 483 - San Valentino

Well, i haven't posted in a while.. mostly because lately my life has been a whirl wind of change and I haven't had a chance. In the last two weeks I have left one of my steady jobs with a good client to try and build up my business and move in the direction I had originally intended(Big exhale as I try not to panic). Mix that with making a new (BFF) recently that has me on great adventures like actually enjoying my weekends to hit the slopes boarding, add training for Competition season where I now work out a hefty 6 days a week 2 hours a day... well you can only imagine. (ok i sound like I'm complaining.. sorry) But I am happy to be back at  it, writing on the ol'blog.

So, I have somewhat successfully made it now 40 whole days date free. haha. Sounds like not very much when I look at it like that.. but it really is. I can't say I have fully behaved the entire 40 days (Common we single ladies/men all have a little black book.. and if we don't we surely haven't been living life to its fullest)  , but hey.. I'm only human. Its hard sometimes when your lonely, and the little black book is like online shopping with 24 hours delivery service.. haha wow..  Either way I am still happily relationship free and feeling better than ever!

So, as you can tell by the title of this blog, i wanted to reflect a little on the most wonderful day for those in relationships, and potentially the most dreaded for those who are not... Valentines. Ah, lovely little red holiday. I can't say I hated it this year or any year really.. i try my hardest not to celebrate it to be honest. But still. there was that little part of me that felt the slight twinge of disappointment as the day neared.

Im not sure why we need to have holidays like this... actually retract that, i do understand when I'm in a relationship why.. its a GREAT opportunity for the unromantic men in the world to throw the romance bliss our way.. But then its over, romance dead and life back to normal... how utterly depressing.

Below is a little snip it from Wikipedia on the true reason for Valentines

"St. Valentine's Day began as a liturgical celebration of one or more early Christian saints namedValentinus. The most popular martyrology associated with Saint Valentine was that he was imprisoned for performing weddings for soldiers who were forbidden to marry and for ministering to Christians, who were persecuted under the Roman Empire; during his imprisonment, he is said to have healed the daughter of his jailer Asterius. Legend states that before his execution he wrote her a letter "from your Valentine" as a farewell"

I am unsure why it hadn't dawned on me until now to google this. How romantic.. soldier marrying secretly, valentines farewell letters.. If only the world really operated this way.. oh wait, it does.

When my sister first met her husband I was in my late teens. I remember he use to tree plant away and would be gone several months at a time. To keep the flame alight he would actually hand write her REAL letters. I use to roll over with disgust at how corny i thought this gesture was. I mean, the man wrote her a letter, Every, SINGLE day that he was away from here for the 2 summers in a row he was gone. He was very old school, he courted her. Looking back on this i find it truly amazing that someone, even this man would do something so simple, yet so profound. (And we all sit and wonder why they have such a strong marriage now and the rest of us don't..) He declared his commitment to her every day, block by block solidifying the stones that would one day build the now Solid foundation they happily rest upon. 

I feel sometimes like Chivalry and simple romantic gestures such as the above, are being lost... lost to lack of time, lack of "quality time, lack of love, increased stress, and maybe a overall lack of trying in relationships. We have entered a day and age of what i like to call the "convenience" if its not easy, and its not convenient and it takes even small amounts of effort, we don't do it... This even applies to relationships.. and we wonder why divorce is so high.

I couldn't even imagine another human being writing me a hand written letter. E-mail is so readily available, text.. hell we barely even call people anymore. Imagine a real letter. A letter that identifies through the stroke of the pen, depth of the ink, twist of the words ones true feelings, ones words, once voice.. really, written words. The idea of holding the latter between my fingers, smelling it, breathing in its inky earthiness..(I am old at heart for sure ) The very idea sends tingles up  my arms.

I think this may be the only way i would consider dating someone (yet another crazy rule) after this 500 days is up. I want to be courted, and i want letters. I want someone who actually has something meaningful enough to say that they put the effort into written words, into walking to the mail box, into sending the letter and maybe just... getting a little excited that there could be a potential response. That's romantic.

So for anyone out there reading this, i implore you to give it a shot.. Write a letter to someone you care about, signed, sealed and delivered.  I think you would be amazed at what a simple gesture, like real, written words could do to someone you love, or someone who secretly loves you.

In keeping with the traditions of my previous blogs and my overall self discovery. I wrote a poem for Valentines. I wrote it for a special person... hopefully one day this poem will become that person when I'm ready and my cup will runnith over.

Rosso

I enjoy breathing you in, your full bodied aroma engulfing my senses

The excitement builds as I catch your scent, a perfume of a deep and bold nature.

Your smoothness sits lingering on my lips, even now, as I drink you in

An unexpected blend, you fell upon me, and I delicately and deliciously unwrapped you.

Your varietal is of a nature I have never known, dark and multi layered.

As you float over my being, my temperature rises , penetrating me to the core

With fierce expectation I come back to you, for I desire you, to the very last drop

I dare not tamper with nor change you, as you are a spirit, of which I will always want more.

Until next time...

Jenny