Dreams, sometimes, have this ability to take hold of you. They twist this beautifully intricate web of thoughts, each one a minuet detail. When strung together, in just the right sequence they become the possibility of what Could be. Or, what's more, what you believe to be... what is.
Sometimes, its these very dreams which we morph into firm belief, that if we peruse them with all desire and passion we shall achieve them, and at that moment feel a sense of complete relief, accomplishment, joy even.. its these very dreams that become at times our very undoing.
I sit here, a night owl.. a curse perhaps but a dreamer I am, and there seems to be no reset for those with the intent to peruse life's great mysteries, treasures, secrets. To unlock the very essence of this existence and breath it all in.. I had thought that making my dreams more, more than thoughts that pass in the night, that dance across my soul, and wake me with such great purpose only to disappear by morning light. By pursuing them with such fierce desire, I may find a sense of peace, of greatness. Maybe this is where we go wrong.. Or more so, where I have gone wrong.
I find myself always reaching this never ending goal. If I climb my highest mountain, there is always another in the distance. It calls to me, unaware of the journey I have just persevered, Indifferent of the burdens I have bared to get here and apathetic to my souls desire to rest. The great desire to sit for a moment, and just be. To enjoy what is, without looking to what could be. Its this perpetual cycle that leaves me, my soul, my heart, left wanting.
Many a moments, nights , and days I find myself trying to just hold it all together. Sitting here, staring across this empty room, unsatisfied. A life of abundance, great friends, great career, great opportunities, journeys that I use to sit dreaming about, made into realities. Yet, I sit here..
I sit here feeling this complete sense of failure, regardless of successes obtained I sit here dreaming a dream that I was never able to make into a reality. So I spend these moments, (the ones I don't fill with things, people, noise). these peaceful moments trying to convince myself I should feel lucky, blessed, happy and content. Its these moments that I constantly find myself lacking.. Because I am stuck chasing a dream of yesterday, unable to enjoy the realities of today. Its the idea of what I had imagined my life to end up like, that continually keeps me from enjoying the one I have.
Cease the day they say.. which one? This one, or the days gone by, or the days to come?
All I know is this.. Careful what you wish for, as sometimes its these wishes that we hold onto with dear life that have us holding back, making decisions based on what should have been, not what is..
Latter day
I often dream of a day gone by, a time where my dreams weren't chased with lies
now moments of what is are replaced by what was, deeper into this falsified love
I rest upon this place time and again, its between the space of here and then
Its where passion rose and determination ignite, between the dusk and the dwindling light
I find you there when I close my eyes, the past expectations I have yet to realize
This affirmation that its all okay , as I mistake my dreams for a latter day
I often dream of a day gone by, its in these moments I hear my soul cry
Until next time...
Jenny
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